


Confide in Me

by gampcamp



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Coping, David POV, Eventual Romance, FTM, Maxvid - Freeform, Secrets, Self Harm, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-03-21 21:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13749477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gampcamp/pseuds/gampcamp
Summary: David catches Max heading into the woods late at night. He always knew Max was never the most confident but what he finds out will change his view on the camper forever.





	1. Excuses

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has a lot of self harm, mentions to self harm and mentions of body dysphoria. If you are easily triggered I suggest you either do not read this at all or skip over the more dark chapters.  
> This is a Maxvid fic. Don't like, don't read.

It’s odd to see a camper out of their tent this late after curfew. It’s not uncommon for me to take a walk this late since my insomnia often keeps me from getting a good nights rest. Aside from occasionally catching Nurf trying to light the mess hall on fire, campers rarely wander. As councilor, it is my duty to make sure all of the campers are abiding by camp rules, including lights-out. I narrow my eyes as I follow the person. It’s difficult to be sure, but I think I can make out the thick mop curls of a particular camper.

It’s Max.

I open my mouth to shout and get his attention, but I think better of it. I shouldn’t risk waking the other campers when they have a full day of fun activities in the morning or worse, waking Gwen. I shudder. Last time I woke Gwen up by accident I earned myself some fresh bumps on my head and a lecture about the importance of “beauty sleep”. Max isn’t a stickler for following camp policies to say the least but he’s never out and about this late! It’s probably because he enjoys sleep too much to cause any trouble. Whatever the reason, apparently tonight was different.  
Wait, why are we going into the woods? Max never wants to venture into the woods in daylight so why is he going in there now? Hiking in the dark can be a lot of fun but I never took Max as someone who would be interested in it. 

Now that we’re in the woods, I have to squint to see him. I try to close the gap between our distance as quietly as I can as to not startle him. Now that we’re closer, I reach a hand out and lightly catch the camper by the shoulder. “Max? Where are you going?” I feel him jump under my touch, it makes me feel bad for scaring him. He looks over his shoulder to look at me and now I know for a fact it’s Max. His eyes are wide and his arm is reeled back presumably to fend off whoever had touched him. 

Once he realizes it’s me, Max’s startled expression turns into a grimace and he slowly lowers his arm. “What are you doing out so late?”

He turns to fully face me now, his hip cocked as he scans my face. “I should be asking you the same thing.” 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Max lowers his gaze and mumbles. I’m pretty sure he said something along the lines of, “Of course you couldn’t”. I place my hands on my hips. “What are you doing out here? Why aren’t you in your tent?”

The camper rolls his eyes. “Oh you know, I was on my way to gut some squirrels.” A pit starts to form in my stomach. I must look as shocked as I feel because Max laughs a little. “Not really David, Jesus. I couldn’t sleep either.” 

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “Oh okay. Well, you still shouldn’t be wandering out here by yourself and so late at that.” Max glares into space. “It could be dangerous.” He looks at me again and I just notice how bloodshot his eyes are. Was he crying before I got here?

Before I can say another thing Max pushes past me towards the camp. “Ugh, whatever. Don’t worry your dumb-little-head, I’m going back to my tent.” He waves a hand dismissively as he walks away. He doesn’t even bother to look at me as he talks. I blink slowly before shaking my head. I’ll never understand why Max is so cold.

Looking down subconsciously for a second, I notice something glinting among the dead leaves. I stop walking for a second to inspect the shining item. “What the..” I carefully pick it up between two fingers. It’s a rectangular, tin container. I’ve seen these before; they’re usually for carrying mints. I open it and my eyes go wide. I quickly look up but Max is long gone and out of sight. I swallow a lump in my throat. I think about chasing after Max and confronting him now but it’s better to wait until tomorrow to talk to him, give myself more time to think of what I want to say. 

I take one last look at the two razor blades before closing the tin box. I nuzzle it into my cargo shorts pocket and trudge back to my cabin. I'll ask him about this tomorrow.


	2. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David needs to talk to Max about yesterday.

The lunch hall is buzzing with chatter. I look around the room to all of the campers, taking their time with their breakfast. I am spacing out when a mug of coffee is set in front of me. Instinctively I look up to meet Gwen’s gaze. She looks like her grouchy, normal self (as she looks every morning) but there’s a sort of softness to her look today. She can probably tell something is wrong with me especially since I asked her to get the campers up today so I could sleep in a little longer, not like my usual self at all.

I offer a small, tired smile and nod, scooping the mug into both hands and taking a drawn out sip. She nods in response and drinks from her cup as well. “Couldn’t sleep again?” I feel my face warm a little. Was it really that obvious?

It takes me a second to clear my throat. “N-no, not really. I had a lot on my mind.” The memories of last night’s events come back to me as I speak. I tried to go to sleep when I returned to the cabin, I really did. But every time I tried to close my eyes I just kept thinking about what happened, what I saw. I was plagued particularly about the thought of Max; I knew he didn’t talk about his feelings or himself in general, but just what exactly was he hiding that would push him to the point of self mutilation? 

Gwen’s soft hum of acknowledgment brings me back from my daze. “You look exhausted. I heard you come in around quarter or three.” Even though her voice is raspy from having just woke up I can hear the worry in her voice. Gwen might be grouchy sometimes but she’s always there for me when I need her. She’s like the sister I never had.

“Sorry if I woke you up.” I reach up and rub the back of my neck. I inhale another mouthful of coffee.

“No, you didn’t. I was just reading the latest issue of "Sheeple". I was going to ask what you were doing out so late but I figured you went for another walk.”

My lips curl into a smile. “Right on the nose.” One of my hands subconsciously reaches into my pocket. My fingers gently grasp around the tin container. Oh right, I think to myself. I look around the room with my eyes before spotting Max. He’s sitting with Neil and Nikki as per-usual, looking a little un-involved in their conversation. If he is hurting so badly, why doesn’t he turn to his friends for support? They seem like they care about each other a lot, I bet they would try their best to bring Max’s spirits up.

I could walk over and talk to Max about the razor blades right now but I decide against it; if I pull him from his table then the other campers will definitely know something’s up. I take my time to drink the remainder of my coffee which doesn’t do much to wake me up. Eventually the clock on the wall tells us it’s eight thirty and that it’s time to wrap up breakfast. The campers know the morning routine by now and only need me to inform them of the time before they start picking up.

As the room begins to clear out, I see Neil and Nikki moving towards the door with Max following suit. Suppose now’s a good a time as any. I stand up and stretch a little, cracking my back with a satisfying ‘pop’. I start towards the group when I feel my chest tighten up. This is going to be a difficult conversation. I hope we can get through it without Max trying to run away from camp again. “Ma-“ I start to call out when someone jumps in front of me. 

“David!” I turn my attention towards Space Kid who has firmly planted himself in front of me. “I crafted some blueprints for a new rocket ship last night. I think if we can get all of the campers to help build it, we can make it to space for real this time!” He’s so excited his ‘helmet’ is fogging up a little.

My eyes look between Space Kid and the doorway. The group of campers are gone but if I leave now I might be able to catch up with Max. I give an apologetic smile to the boy before me and start to step around him. “Well gee, I would love to check out your blue prints right now but I have to get the supplies for our first morning activity.” I’m not one to condone lying but I can’t just tell Space Kid my real reasoning.

I turn to look forward but stop myself immediately in my tracks. Max, seemingly appearing out of thin air, is in front of me. I almost bumped into him! “David,” He looks up at me. He always has bags under his eyes but they look particularly dark today. “I need to talk to you.”


	3. Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and David have a talk about the razor blades. They come to an agreement.

Green eyes stare into me and I find it hard to look back. This conversation is hard enough to have but it doesn’t help that Max is looking, glaring at me like that. I’ve known him long enough to have seen the many faces of Max and this wasn’t like his usual annoyed glare, he is very serious.

I make myself a little more comfortable in my computer chair. After Max confronted me I suggested we go someone more private. This talk is between me and him, we don’t need the entire camp knowing something like this. I can’t let a camper go on hurting themselves like this. Even if Max doesn’t want my help, I’m going to have to do my best to try and have him open up to me.

“So what’s going on?”

The boy sitting across from me holds his stare. “Nothing’s going on. Look David, I would say that this was a huge misunderstanding and that I was just going to carve some wood or some other shitty excuse. But I’m not.” He sits up a little in his seat. He blinks slowly and takes a hand out of his pocket and gestures with it. “Instead I won’t give you any reason. You might be dumb but you can’t be that dumb. I’m sure you can put two and two together.”

“I cannot make assumptions in a situation like this Max. This is a very serious and dangerous circumstance.” My face falls. I knew he was going to get defensive but he doesn’t have to be so rude. My mind back tracks to my plans. “But since you don’t seem to want to tell me then I suppose I’ll have to assume the worst.”

Max is looking blankly in my direction; I don’t think he’s even listening at this point. My hands are unconsciously rubbing circles into the cool tabletop of my desk. I’ve never been one for confrontation but I know I have to do something. “First of all, I want to make it very clear: you are not going to be getting these back.” That gets a reaction from Max.

To my surprise his eyes go a little wide. He glowers and turns his gaze for once to stare at the corner of the room. Even though he’s fuming with rage he looks so small in that chair. “I should have figured.”

“Did you actually think I was going to give the razors back to you?”

“Well, I don’t know!” He sinks lower into the chair. “You do dumb shit all the time.”

I sigh. “Language. And also please try to be respectful. I am a person after all.” Max is still sulking when I clear my throat. “I don’t think this is such a serious issue that I will have to write an incident report, mainly because I have no proof that they were yours. So instead I think it would be beneficial for you to visit me once every week for a one-on-one conversation.”

“So you’re my therapist now?? That didn’t work out too well at home, I’m not going to be wasting my time like I did then.” The young boy is sitting upright in his seat now. He is the embodiment of the word infuriated right now. I expected as such but the sight is still a little unnerving. “Read my lips camp-man, there is no way in hell that I am going to play along with your stupid fucking game and pretend that you actually give a shit about my problems.”

That throws me back a little. I shake my head, trying not to frown too much. “I do care about you, I genuinely do. I care about all of my campers!” Max is refusing to look at me now. He snorts out a, “yeah, sure”, I can see his knuckles turning a little white from gripping the armrests so hard. It takes me a minute but I take a steady breath in; I need to choose my next words carefully. “I would really appreciate it if you gave this a try. I’m not asking for a whole lot. I just want to meet once a week for thirty minutes each visit, for five weeks. I can’t make you talk about your feelings but we can talk about whatever you want.”

“Pfft, whatever I want huh?”

I smile, Max stealing a glance towards me. “These meetings will be all about you, Max. Whatever you want!”

Max is silent. For a long time I think he’s not going to give me an answer. Eventually, however, he shimmies out of his seat. He rolls his eyes hard when he stands. “I know you won’t drop the idea until I agree. So yeah, fine. We’ll try this stupid game.” Just as I go to praise him for his compliance, he raises a finger. “But, only if we can talk about whatever I want. I’m not going to get all mushy and shit. If it gets even a little emotional, I’m out.” I process his words for a moment. There’s no real point in arguing with him. He’s already agreed to our weekly meetings and I really shouldn’t push my luck. Besides, he might open up eventually.

We come to an agreement and shake on our deal. Max will be stopping by my office this upcoming Saturday to talk for thirty minutes and I won’t push him to talk about his feelings. Every day he comes, he gets a chocolate pudding cup (he insisted on the idea). When Max does leave, I breathe a sigh of relief. This won’t be so difficult after all!


	4. Roasty Toasty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max's first meeting with David. They're off to a rocky start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals. Honestly I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to post an update! I'm going to try and post more often. If not you can come to my house and beat me with a shoe.

The heat has never been an issue to me. Even way back when when I was a camper at this very camp kids would ever last as long as I could in the sun. Despite my heat resistance, I was glad that it was Saturday and I didn’t have to run an activities (I swear Lake Campbell is going to start boiling). Besides it’s always nice to have a day to bask in the AC.

Oh, but just because I’m not coordinating any camptivities today doesn’t mean I get a break; today starts Max and I’s weekly meeting. I go over the checklist I wrote up not too long ago to make sure I had everything I needed for today. Notebook, check. Pudding and spoon, check. I think about grabbing Max’s file but decide against it. I’ve seen it before and I know for a fact there’s not much in there what I haven’t read before anyways (compared to the other camper’s files, Max’s was an easy read). 

I sit back into the chair. Staring at the ceiling I can’t help but smile. Spending time getting to know about one of the more troubled campers is a gift in itself, but I have the potential to help them! I don’t know how, but I’m sure I can help them in some way. This will be so fun!

\- - -

Wow, I was so incredibly wrong. Max got here not even five minutes ago and has been a real pain in my butt since. As soon as he got in here he invited himself to curl up on the loveseat in the corner of the room, as far away from me as possible. I didn’t mind that so much that as soon as I moved to sit in the matching chair across from him he extracted a handheld gaming system from his hoodie pocket. Okay, that was a little rude. He could have at least said hi!

For a few solid minutes, I just sit there. “Have you been enjoying your day off from camp activities?” No response. “I know I have. I even got to sleep in a little today-- I got to sleep until 6!” The only thing Max gives is a small hum of acknowledgement. I’m not usually one to get irritated but the blatant way Max is ignoring me is really pushing my badges. 

“I would appreciate it if you would put your DS away during our meeting.” Max’s eye twitches a little but he still remains silent. I wait a few seconds. “Max,” my voice is a warning; either put it away or there will be consequences. When Max remains unmoved, it becomes clear that I’m going to have to take the latter. I am quick to remove the gaming system from Max’s unexpecting grip. Before he can say anything, I stand and seal the system away into one of the drawers in my desk. 

“Sorry Max but I gave you more than enough chances to put it away.”  
Max looks at me in disbelief. His hands ball into fists and he leans forward. “What the hell! You can’t keep taking my shit David, it’s my property!”

I cock a brow as I stride over to my mini fridge. “Okay first of all I don’t know why you ever thought I would even consider giving the blades back to you. And secondly you’re not supposed to be using electronics at camp.” I gather two water bottles and return to sit across from the camper. I can tell Max is not taking the heat well- he’s sweating pretty badly. I bet that sweatshirt isn’t helping but I know he won't take it off. At least he’s wearing shorts today instead of his usual jeans, that must help cool him down a bit.

Almost as soon as I set one of the water bottles in front of him, the overheated cryptid nearly lunges for it. “Gwen does it all the time! And so does Neil.” He manages to say in between gulps.

“Gwen is a councilor. And while I do not think it is appropriate to use the phone while working, Mr. Campbell allows her to do it so I just follow his lead. As for Neil, all of the technology he uses is to enrich his experience with Science Camp.”

Max, his quench apparently satiated for the time being, flops down onto the cushions. “Yeah well I need my technology to enrich my experience during these stupid meetings or whatever.”

I have to stop myself from staring at the little bit of Max’s hip that revealed itself when his sweatshirt moves. The scars there, while clearly aged, are still hard to look at. I tap the side of the plastic bottle in my hand with my fingers. “You can have your DS back after our meeting” I continue before Max can say anything. “But only if you work with me and actually take this meeting serious.”

It’s his first instinct to refuse outright but Max does something he usually doesn’t do when he’s frustrated; he takes the time to think before answering. On one hand, he can do what he initially planned to do and tell David to screw off. On the other hand, Max could agree and play along with David’s ridiculous game of therapist. If he answers a few questions he can get his console back. Not only that, but…

FInally, the camper sits up. He exhales through his nose and tries in vain to comb his bangs back with his fingers. “Alright. Get me the pudding you promised me and let’s get this over with.”


	5. First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get down to business and start their meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Lots of mention of self harm in this chapter. Please read only if these things are not triggering for you.

By the time I gather all of the things I need for our first session, all that remains of the pudding is the empty cup with little remnants cakes along the inside and a spoon that Max had managed to lick clean. “If at any time you do not feel like answering a question, feel free to tell me and we can move on from that.” I turn the timer in my hands for 30 minutes before setting it to the side of the coffee table. “Though I know for a fact you wont have any trouble telling me when you don’t feel like talking about something.” I chuckle while sitting back in the cushioned chair. Instead of verbally saying anything, the boy across from me gives a nod in acknowledgment. “Okay. So, first things first, how long have you been self harming?”

Max rolls his shoulders in a shrug. It takes him a few seconds to answer. “I don’t know. I know it was around the same time… I think about two years ago.” As if reading my mind, Max clarifies: “It was around the same time that I moved here.” 

As he answers I quickly jot down notes in my pocket-sized notebook. When I look up I can see Max is staring quizzically at me. “These notes are just to help me keep track of information. I don’t have the best memory nowadays! You don’t mind, do you?” The boy shakes his head, muttering a quiet ‘No, I guess not’.

I secure the golf pencil behind my ear. “Good. Okay so you said your self harm started when you moved. Do you have any ideas as to what might have led you to start?” Max’s brows stitch together in a crease as he thinks. I take it that he might be a bit confused so I offer, “Did you miss your friends back home? Was there something going on at the new school?”

“I knew what you were asking- I’m just trying to figure out what I want to say.” While his tone comes off as defensive, Max leans back a little in his seat, relaxing. He licks the corner of his mouth briefly but I couldn’t help but notice. “I didn’t have any friends back home, so it wasn’t that I missed anyone. As for the new school nobody messed with me.” He barked out a laugh. “Everyone was intimidated by me! It was great.” I’m more than aware that Max didn’t really answer my question but I decide to drop it for now. I scribble a little bit before continuing.

“So tough guy Max, would you want to tell me what happened this week? What happened that made you feel the need to, uh, relieve your feelings?”

Helping himself to a few gulps of his water, Max pulls the bottle from his lips and wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve. “Don’t ask stupid questions. If I wanted to tell you why I cut myself I would have said it already.” I cringe a little at the phrase. I think Max takes that as a way of me displaying my disappointment because he rolls his eyes. “Look it didn’t have anything to do with you so don’t worry about it.” I exhale through my nose, why wouldn’t I worry about it?

Even though I’m not entirely satisfied with the answer I know Max wont answer anything he doesn’t feel like so instead I nod. “Okay, I understand. Have you tried other techniques to dispel your frustrations other than self harming?”

“Back home the therapist that I saw told me I should try to draw lines on my skin where I want to cut instead of actually using a blade. Let’s just say I found a way to make the pen work just fine.” Max laughs but it’s a different kind of laugh, low and gravely. His eyes are downcast, staring at the timer. The quiet ticking of the plastic timer fills the uncomfortable silence between us. It takes a few minutes of staring at the gray cat appliance before either of us speaks again. To my surprise, Max talks before I do. “I mean, walking helps sometimes. Whenever my mom would take my shit and I had no way to hurt myself I would go out and walk around the neighborhood. Trust me, walking takes a longer time to help me calm down rather than cutting but it works I guess. Sometimes I punch a wall or tree and that helps too.”

A lump forms in my throat. I have to take a deep breath before speaking; I need to compose myself a little. My lips turn up into a smile, don’t let him know how bad you feel for him. “Walking sounds like a great alternative! I know you said that it takes a bit longer for you to gather yourself when you walk instead of self harming but I think that going for a walk is a perfect idea.” Max nods a few times, his little hands gripping onto the plastic of his water bottle a little hard. My fake smile softens a little and before I know it, it’s genuine again. “I know this type of stuff is difficult to talk about Max but I am so glad you’re opening up to me and allowing me to hear you.”

The boy across from me looks at me again- I guess I took him a little off guard. His tongue snakes across his lower lip. He worries his lip a little before opening his mouth, “David, I--”

Meow! Meow! Meow!

The timer chimes and catches us both off guard. We both turn to it then back to each other. I am about to tell Max to continue with what he was saying but he seems to have already changed his mind. His expression goes from that of a vulnerable child back to the rough exterior that Max usually carries himself as. “Okay, time’s up.” He slides off the couch (he’s so darn short!) and makes a beeline towards the door.

“Max, wait!” His shoulders stiffen and he stops, hand on door knob. He slowly turns to look at me over his shoulder. I look at him a moment before beaming. “If you ever need to talk to someone, you know where my cabin is. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, if you need me you can come to me.” Little hands grip the water bottle tighter, making it crinkle. He diverts his glaring eyes and, it may just be my imagination, but I swear his cheeks turn a little red. He leaves without saying a word and makes sure to leave with a literal bang by slamming the door shut. 

I allow myself to sit there for a few minutes, not necessarily doing anything. My eyes lower to look at the page of notes in my hands. After rereading the notes a few times I close the notebook and put it on the table. When I place it down I am reminded of the plastic remnants of Max’s pudding snack and I can’t help but chuckle, thinking of the boy. He’s so cute. The thought passes through my mind without much hesitation. Besides, it’s not unusual for councilors to think of their campers as cute or endearing. After a good, lengthy stretch, I uncurl myself from my seat and get to my feet. I gather all of the trash on my table, dispose of it in the waste bin next to my desk and return to grab my notebook. I walk back towards my desk and unlock the drawer where I plan to keep it safe from prying eyes only to rest my eyes on blue plastic. He forgot his DS. I stare for a minute before nuzzling the notebook beside the gaming system and on top of the mint container that didn’t contain mints. “I’ll give it back to him after dinner tonight.” My words fall upon deaf ears as I speak to no one but myself. After another minute of two of blankly staring into the drawer, I push it in and lock it with a click. My key goes back into the pocket of my cargo shorts and I take a seat at my desk to continue working on planning next weeks activities.


	6. Archery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Gwen plan an archery activity for the campers. None of them expected something to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of a filler. However, something does happen that will continue into the next chapter so if you don't want to get confused I suggest you read this chapter anyways.

The heat is enough to make everyone feel a little nauseous and the heavy smell of sunscreen isn’t really helping. Despite this, it’s hard to deter the excitement I’m feeling. Today at breakfast me and my best co-councilor Gwen informed the campers that we had an extra fun activity planned for today. They all had their guesses as to what it was but I kept my lips sealed- Quarter Master found some archery equipment when digging through the supplies in order to find his hook hand. After the swelling went down in my face from the (well deserved) beating I got from Quarter Master for having helped Gwen steal his hook hand, I hurriedly planned an archery activity for the campers!

I only have to remind the campers trailing behind me to drink their from water bottles and stay hydrated once more before we reach the field hidden in the woods. Quarter Master is setting up the last of the gigantic targets as the field comes into sight. The children follow me to stand in the shade of the trees and I set down the water cooler and a large stack of orange traffic cones. Nikki and Nerris are practically jumping in their spots as they eye the layout before us while others like Neil mutter to one another, trying to figure out what was going on. 

We watch collectively as Gwen drags two large box a few feet from a line of sticks that I assume the Quarter Master made. Turning towards the crowd, I allow myself to grin. “Okay campers! Earlier I told you we were going to be having an exciting activity today. Gwen and I planned something cool for you all; today we will be doing some archery.” The campers erupt in groans of dismay but they are drowned out with the shrill shrieks of joy that both Nikki and Nerris share. The girl’s reactions help me keep my chin up.

“Alright,” Behind me, Gwen unfolds the top of the lengthy box to reveal the tail ends of aged arrows and bows. “Everyone line up and I’ll give you your bow and arrows.” Nerris and Nikki zoom past me while the other children trudge toward the box. I fall back behind the group to stand at the end of the line. “Once you get your bow and arrows, line up at the start line.” My co-councilor gestures to the crude line made with the sticks from the trees above. “Everyone stand arms length from each other.” When Gwen asked me if she could instruct the archery activity I was more than happy to let her. She never seems to interested in running activites but she explained to me that she used to be in archery camp herself when she was younger and had a great passion for it. And since I have never shot a bow and arrow in my life I felt she was more inclined to lead this than I was. 

When I approach Gwen to retrieve my bow and arrow, I see how determined she looks. I’m not used to seeing her look so confident and sure of herself. It’s honestly refreshing. I offer her some words of encouragement and she expresses her appreciation. She instructs me to place down the orange cones I have carried up with me in front of each of the campers and I hurry to oblige. As I walk around, I am stopped by a girl with long blond hair and a streak in her bangs. “Why can’t we have real arrows?” Ered gestures with a tilt of her head to the suction cup end of the arrow. I think back to when we first found the arrows. Initially they did have points but Gwen and I thought better of it to let the campers have access to potentially harmful ammunition (particularly Nurf). I tell her that it’s for everyone’s safety and that it’s better this way. She replies with an ‘tsk’. “Lame.” Regardless of her disapproval she drops the conversation and turns to talk with Dolph. 

I get to the other end of the line and set myself up with my own cone beside Space Kid. Gwen makes her way to the middle of the archery range. “Archery is a sport that originated somewhere between the Paleolithic and Mesolithic periods. Once used by hunters to catch prey, it’s now considered a sport and is even played in the Olympics.” My lips turn upwards into a smile. I’ve never heard Gwen talk this passionately about anything other than her trashy television shows or magazines. It’s honestly really sweet to listen to! Gwen and I knew each other years before we started working at the camp. We went to the same high school and she graduated a year after me. While I admit she is quite attractive to me, I don’t think I could ever see her as anything other than a friend. We’re just two entirely different people and while we work well as friends and coworkers, we wouldn’t be able to date and we both accept that fact. Nonetheless, she really is wonderful and I love her like a sister. “First thing I’d like you to do is place your arrows in the traffic cones, end up.” She waits a few minutes for everyone to follow. Once we’ve all got our arrows tucked in place, Gwen continues. “Okay great. Next, I’m going to show you how to nock an arrow.” My eyes follow as Gwen briefs us through the steps. We all take the time to nock our arrows to the bow before she tells everyone she’s going to go around and instruct us all individually how to effectively pull and launch our bows. She shows me first how to do it so that I can help the campers after she shows them how to do it if need be. I pull the string back and fire on her command. All the campers watch as my arrow soars before landing on the outer edge of the bullseye. “Nice David.” She pats my back and I grin from ear to ear. “Once I show you all how to pull and fire, I want you to shoot all of your arrows and wait until I say to retrieve them.” 

After I shoot my remaining two arrows, I look around at the campers. Gwen is halfway done with the line of campers but there’s already hands held high in the air. I help Harris and Preston which involves me basically parroting the instructions Gwen told me. Soon arrows are flying through the air, most of them diving into the grass, some of them bouncing off of the targets. Nerris and Nikki are the first two to get their arrows to stick to the targets and despite being a ways off of the bullseye in the center they celebrate their victories with a high five. A few of the children go to take drinks from their water bottles while they wait for the following instructions from Gwen while only a handful of campers remain struggling. My eyes land on Max. His face is turned into a grimace as he stares down the length of the arrow. He pulls back and when he releases to fire, the string of his bow snaps back and slaps him in the forearm. Despite the sweatshirt he always wears, I can see him wince at the contact.

“Need some help over here?” I offer as I approach the struggling boy. 

He blows the mop of curls from the front of his face as his arrows nosedives only a few feet from us. He doesn’t even look back at me and instead picks up his one remaining arrow. “I don’t need help, I can do it.” His hands shake a little as he nocks the arrow. I notice the placement of the arrow seems a bit off and instead of offering my help I lean over the boy and take his hand in mine. I guide him through the motions as Gwen had explained to me, telling him that he nocked his arrow at too much of an angle and emphasized my point by moving his fingers over the slight bump on the string to show where he should be nocking it. Being this close to his face I can practically feel the heat radiating off of him. It’s no doubt about it, Max is going to bake in his sweatshirt. 

Max struggles in my hold but only momentarily. He decides to follow my lead and allows my hands to guide his to the correct way to hold the bow. Once he’s in the right position, I step back a little. “Looking good Max, now fire.” Just as I was getting the last of my words out, Max loosens his grip on the string and send the arrow flying towards the target. It lands with a triumphant ‘smack’ as it strikes the circle. “Woo! Go Max!” My hand moves from its place in the small of Max’s back (when did that get there?) and I fist the air above me. With pride in my chest, my hands lower and pat the top of the camper’s head. “You did great.”

A hand reflexively smacks my hand away. “Don’t touch me!” Max hisses. Before I can get another word out, he continues. “I said I didn’t need help.” His voice is a bit quieter now but still drips with venom. He turns on his heel and storms off to get a drink from his water bottle, his cheeks burning red as he leaves. For a moment I’m stunned. Why did he get so mad at me for helping? I want to ask him why but I figured I shouldn’t, at least not now with so many campers staring at the source of the commotion. 

I retreat to my own spot at the same time that Gwen returns to the range. “I asked you to wait until I told you to get your arrows because if you were to come out here while people were still firing, there’s a good chance you could lose an eye.” She explains before instructing us to gather our arrows. Some of the children argue about what arrows belonged to who but the bickering is short lived and everyone returns to their spots. It seems like a lot of the campers are getting rather into the archery, even Ered who fiddles with the end of her arrows in anticipation to nock an arrow. Gwen moves from her spot in the middle of the range to stand beside me and commands us to nock our arrows and fire. All of us do so collectively and as I fire my second arrow, I turn to compliment Gwen on how well she has been running the activity when I feel something bite my outer thigh. We both look down and I immediately register that, oh wait, that’s wasn’t a bit. No I had an arrow protruding from leg. 

The two of us are wide-eyed and I stare for a few more seconds before the pain really hits me. I feel myself scream, leg throbbing from the sudden intrusion. Somewhere I hear a laugh and look up to see Nurf, bow in one hand and suction cup in the other. Gwen is yelling now, screaming at the Quarter Master to help her restrain the culprit. I see Nurf sprint off in a short-lived run before he is apprehended by the Quarter Master. Next thing I know, I’m on the ground and leaning into Gwen’s arms. “David, are you okay?” The look in her eyes makes me feel bad, I don’t want to be the reason she looks so horrified. I tell her to go get Nurf and that I’ll be fine sitting here, but she refuses to leave my side. She’s yelling again, instructing the awe-struck campers to get me some water even though I’m not thirsty. Those who aren’t getting water remain staring at the wound. I start to weep, I want them to look away. Gwen tells them to give me some room and she leaves me for a moment to get the first aid kit I carried up with me in my bag. 

The grass feels nice as I lean back, it almost distracts me from the world of pain I’m in. Someone lifts my head off of the ground and into their lap. The plastic pushes my lips apart and I feel the cold water filling my mouth. I focus for a minute beyond the shakey hand extended towards me to see Max, eye brows creased together as he stares at me. Chuckling causes the water to drizzle from the corner of my mouth. Even though I’m under the intense glare of Max, I can see tears in his eyes. I close my eyes and, either from the heat or pure exhaustion, I black out.


	7. Second Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David is healing well from his unfortunate wound and decides he's still up to meeting with his favorite camper. Max opens up a little more than he had at the first meeting and David is a mess.

The next few days pass without much change. After the incident with Nurf, I apparently passed out from shock. I guess I was out for a while because when I came to I was in my room. Gwen had taken care of me while I was out; she removed the arrow and cleaned the wound. She told me that because of the straight angle and narrowness of the arrow that I had to get stitches. The only other time I had to get stitches was when I was a kid and a neighborhood boy accidently hit me upside the head while we were playing baseball. She told me that the stitches could be removed in about five days and that, because of how shallow the arrow went in, I could be up and moving again by tomorrow. I guess I was lucky that it didn’t get too far into the muscle! I asked her what happened with Nurf and since his mother is in prison and his father is out of the picture Gwen couldn’t do much else besides call his mom and relay the information of her son’s actions to her. Other than that, Nurf had to stay in his tent when not participating in camp activities and Gwen swore that they would never do archery again for the rest of the summer. Even though Nurf had shot me I feel like that punishment was just too much. Of course he needed some sort of consequence but I think not letting the campers do any more archery was more of a punishment to the other campers rather than Nurf himself. 

I asked Gwen how the campers were doing, I imagined that some of them might be a little rattled from the experience. Apparently almost everyone was fine after an hour or so. She said that some of the campers even went out of their way and made me some get-well-soon cards. I asked her if she had them but said that the kids wanted to give them to me themselves when they saw me next. It was then that I remember seeing Max before I became unconscious, his bleary eyes sent a shiver through me. I asked Gwen how Max had been after the incident. “He’s fine. He seemed really quiet when I saw him a few hours ago but that’s not super unusual for him.” She commented. “I was surprised that the asshole was so eager to help.” She goes on to explain how Max had helped drag me back to the cabin along with Gwen and asked repeatedly if there was anything else he could do to help. I decided to keep the memory of Max crying over me to myself. “Maybe your compassion is starting to rub off on Max. Make sure you keep it away from me though, I don’t need to care more about people than I already do.” I know she meant it as a joke but I still couldn’t help but feel my chest tighten. The idea that I was rubbing my compassion for other people onto the usually self-interested camper made me flush with pride as well as another feeling I chose to ignore.

I spent the rest of the day reluctantly in my bed. The very next day I was up and at ‘em! Gwen didn’t let me run any of the challenging activities I had planned for the rest of the week but she relented and let me atleast participate. It’s been a few days since the incident. The pain in my thigh had gone down significantly but it still feels uncomfortable when I walk. It’s Saturday again so that means I have my next meeting with Max. When I reminded him about it yesterday after dinner, he looked so put off. “Aren’t you supposed to be, like, healing or something? Why don’t you take it easy for once.” He tried to tell me I should just relax and that the meeting would only take up my time but I insisted. With the assumption that the camper was indeed going to come today, I settle for cleaning up my office before he arrives. 

I shovel the get-well-soon cards into one of the drawers at my desk. There’s only a few and one of them is just a piece of paper with an oak leaf taped onto it with the words, “feel better camp man” scribbled down underneath it but it’s so sweet that the campers took the time to make them that I can’t bare throw them away! My legs carry me to the mini fridge and I extract the treat from within, taking it to the coffee table along with my other necessary items and place them down. I look at my watch. Hmm, Max should be on his way over soon. Just as the thought comes to me, there’s a couple of knocks on the door.

We settle into a silence that neither of us really want to bring attention to. Max is sitting on the edge of the couch as if apprehensive to get comfortable as he nurses on the pudding cup I offered him. His eyes are looking anywhere but at me and I think for a minute that I’m going to have to pull some teeth just to get him to open up. I open my mouth to say something but the camper speaks before I do. “Does it hurt?” It takes me a second to conclude he’s referring to my leg wound. I assure him that it doesn’t hurt any more and he continues. “Gwen said you had to get stitches.” I confirm and subconsciously run my thumb over them. Max’s eyes are on my leg, my thumb, as I talk about it. I don’t know why but I’m squirming a little under his stare.

“How have you been holding up?” My body tilts forward a little and I change the subject, my hands resting on my knees now. “Gwen told me you were worried about me.” His eyes narrow and his lips contort into a scowl as if my words were more of an accusation rather than a comment. 

“Why would I be worried about you? I helped Gwen carry you back because she was the only one doing anything and all of the other campers were fucking around, doing nothing.” My mind brings back the memory of Gwen telling me that Max kept asking if there was more he could do to help. I decide not to tease him but instead give him a knowing smile.  
With the topic of it already in the air, I ask Max how the rest of the archery went after my leaving. He tells me that it was okay, that when he returned a few of the campers continued shooting the targets while the rest sat around. “I remember you hitting the target, did you hit any more after that?” The boy quietly tells me that he did return to shooting and that he hit the target almost every time. “I’m very proud of you Max, you did a good job.”

Those green eyes are on my face now. Brows knit together in a glare as Max shouts, “Stop saying shit like that!” We both stare at each other, a beat of silence. He leans back into the couch a little almost as if to force himself to relax. “Listen David, I know. I know that you only compliment me because I’m the “troubled” camper, that you only say such nice things because you think I fucking need to hear it. Well guess what?” He jabs his thumb to his chest. “I’m better than that. I don’t need your validation to know I did something well.”

My hands drop between my knees and I frown. “You don’t actually believe that I think that, do you Max?” I wring my hands as I try to decide on my next words. “I will admit I am aware of your troubling home life. I know that your mother and father are both too preoccupied with something and can’t even be bothered so much as to fill out your Camp Campbell application. But you knew I knew that. I know you might not believe me but I don’t look down on you for that.” Eyes close for a moment. “I compliment you because I am genuinely proud of what you accomplish, not because I pity you. And I know that you don’t need my validation for you to feel successful but I thought, I don’t know, that you would appreciate having someone acknowledge your hard work and skills.” I absently rub the back of my neck. My eyes open to see a boy who is not angry or on edge, but a boy who looks… Surprised? Defeated? No, the only word that can describe him right now is uncertain. 

Max is looking away now, gaze dropped. Does he trust me? I can only hope. I watch as his tongue darts out to lick at his lower lip, seeming to deliberate to himself. As I look at him I find myself asking, when did he get so cute? No, not just cute. Appealing? Ugh, that can’t be right. “Okay. I guess that I believe you.” The boy across from me mumbles. He looks at me again, spooning a few more bites of pudding into his mouth. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I just have… Some prior experience with some not-so-good people who just wanted to butter me up.” My eyes for a little wide. I want to ask him, why did they butter you up? What did they want from you? But I don’t ask, assuming, from the way the boy is talking of the situation, he isn’t ready to talk about it. “And I mean you can still give me compliments and shit. Just not in front of everyone, stupid.” His cheeks go a little red and I can’t help but feel my heart swell. I cough out a chuckle and promise Max I won't embarrass him in front of anyone from now on, mostly just to get my heart to settle down.

The plastic cup makes a noise as it’s set down on the table. Max swings his feet up and props them on the table, having the courtesy to remove his shoes before doing so. He’s talking about how this isn’t an open invitation to give him praise for everything, especially when he feels it’s not deserved, when I think of something. “Oh I just remembered, I wanted to ask if I should avoid touching you. I noticed that when I give you physical contact you get a little…” I shrug. “I just want to avoid making you uncomfortable.” Max thinks this over quickly and shakes his head. He explains that it’s okay sometimes but that he was never a touchy person

“It’s not because of anything. I don’t have any trauma like that.” The way he talks so casually about this is a little surprising. I didn’t think children are usually so open about that sort of stuff, especially Max, especially since I didn't ask that. It’s like he’s a mind reader! Too soon for my liking, the timer chimes and tells us that the half an hour is over. Unlike last time Max is not in a huge hurry to leave. He takes his time putting his shoes on and talks idly about nothing in particular. “What’s for dinner tonight? Ugh, is it sloppy joes again?” We go back and forth a little with the conversation before he leaves me to my own devices, calling out, “Feel better, camp man!” before closing the door.

I look at the notes I had scribbled throughout our meeting. I try to re-read them all but I just cannot focus. My thoughts just keep lingering on Max; his eyes on me, the way he nibbles his lip when he’s trying to think. I bet he tastes like the pudding. My entire body jumps at the thought. A groan escapes me, my hands scrubbing my face in frustration. Okay brain, enough of that. Max is a camper for Christ’s sake. He shouldn’t be appealing to me! But no other word can describe him as he was today, so vulnerable yet trying so hard to put up a front. I force myself away from those thoughts and get to my feet, advancing towards my desk. If I can’t keep the thoughts away I may as well try to distract myself. It works for a little while as I put my things back in their place. That is until I see the cards again. I stare at one in particular, it comes off as familiar. When the realization came to me I nearly flushed. What have I gotten myself into?


	8. What Did I Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On a particularly humid day, David and Gwen let the kids have a day of fun in the lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the long delay. I had been having trouble coming up with this chapter mainly because I had a great one for 9 already planned out but I wanted something in between. Also, just as a warning, there are mentions of self-harm, self-harm scars, and past abusers in this chapter. Thank you for sticking around!

Humid almost does not describe how bad that week had been. Every step was met with a sticky pull as if stepping on spilt soda, no one could sleep soundly due to the pools of sweat in their beds. There were no ways to escape the unnerving heat and, not having anyone to blame, the campers collectively took their displeasure out on Gwen and I, the camp counselors. It took me hours to come up with some sort of solution or atleast a deterrent to the moist air. The idea struck me as I sheperred the campers to the dining hall for dinner. Despite my excitement I was able to keep the idea to myself until the following day. That morning I think the campers knew something good was coming their way because of my revitalized pep. All I had to do was say the word, “swimming” and the campers were charging for the door. I managed to convince them to finish at least half of their breakfast before allowing them to return to their tents to get dressed in their swimwear. 

My co-councilor stepped out from her room just as I finished packing the beach bag with sunscreen and extra towels. I had to admit that her bikini did fit her nicely but I frown despite myself. “Gwen you know you look fantastic but we’ve talked about this. The campers are going through a weird time in their lives right now and soon they’ll be hitting puberty. What if one of the boys sees you and gets, uh,” My face turns a little crimson despite myself. “You know..”

She rolled her eyes and I felt a little silly; it’s not my fault that this is an embarrassing topic! “If any of the campers pop a boner because they can see four more inches of my legs than they usually do then we can deal with it then. But for now I plan on getting some sun.” She slipped on her violet sandals- she must have gotten them to match her swimsuit- and left to grab some magazines from her room. I wasn’t terribly surprised that Gwen was planning on lounging around today so I gave the bag a once over to make sure I had everything and head out to the lake.

A majority of the campers are already there when I arrive. Despite having gotten to swim multiple times at the camp it’s amazing how many of them forget the rule of “no swimming until you put on sunscreen” and “wait to swim until there is a lifeguard on duty” and help themselves to the water. I dug out the whistle from my bag and everyone in the water pulls themselves to shore when I blow it. “I like your swim shorts David!” Nerris gives me a smile as she gets in line for sunscreen. I looked to my swim trunks despite me knowing the pattern already; they are the pale green pair with small black bears all over that I bought the other day while in town. I return her compliment to her yellow one-piece while I give her a handful of sunscreen. 

Just as the early-arriving campers run into the water, the remaining ones approach. Nikki bolts right past me and does a cannonball off of the dock. I call for her to come and put on her sunscreen but she insists that she “doesn’t burn”. Sometimes you just have to pick and choose your battles and this is one I know I won't win so instead I turn to the lengthy boy waiting patiently for sunscreen. As Neil covers the entirety of his body (he even asked for a second handful!), Gwen makes her appearance. Her setting up her lawn chair distracts me for a moment before I turn to meet eyes with the impatient looking Max. The camper had changed out of his jeans and into swimming trunks but is still wearing his sweatshirt. With the weather as it is today and his cheeks already being a little more rosy than usual, my instincts gnaw at me. “You should really take off your sweatshirt. It’s too hot to be wearing it.” Max snorts at me, taking his dollop of sunscreen and spreading it across his legs. “I’m fine.” Is the only thing I get from him before he’s off towards the dock, all the while wiping sunscreen on his face.

The day goes pretty slow for a while. Some of the campers go to refill their water bottles, some go to retrieve their water bottles from their tents. The only incident today is when Space Kid got caught under the dock and I had to pull him out- how doesn’t his helmet fill with water? I felt my feet growing a little tired from standing and decide to dip my feet in the water. I sit down next to Max and his groan of annoyance doesn’t get past me. “Why don’t you swim Max?” I look at the short boy who stares out into the water. “Can’t swim.” He shrugs. I blink slowly and then feel bad. “I wish I had known; if you had told me that I could have planned a different activity for everyone to do.” As Max tells me how dumb it would be to take the fun of swimming away from the other campers just because of his, I come up with an idea. “Hey! You know, I could teach you how to swim! Oh gosh, that will be fun!” As I muse I don’t notice Max visibly tense. He side eyes my face, then down, and I notice that he gets a little more red than he did before. He turns quickly and gets to his feet. “Fuck that.” He hisses before stomping off. Gwen looks at me as I stare after Max. What did I do?

I assumed Max was just going to cool down or to use the bathroom so I don’t feel worried. But as the campers get out of the water for lunch, I realize just how long Max has been gone. With Gwen following the campers to the dining hall, I excuse myself and head towards the tents. He’s been gone too long to be in the bathroom. The gravel crunches under my footfall as I get to the entrance on the camper’s tent. I call out his name but there is not answer. I open the entrance and peek inside but he’s not there! That’s when I hear rustling I hadn’t heard before when coming towards the tents. I fix myself on the noise and follow to the tent it is coming from. I call out for the camper once again and lift the opening. The two sides of the tent look like polar opposites. On one side, it’s neat and tidy. But then on the other side it looks as if a tornado hit. My brows furrow as I spot a third cot and only then do I realize whos tent this is; it belongs to the girls Nikki, Nerris, and Erid. On the messier side, hunched over a particularly tall pile of belongings, is the camper I’d been searching for. His eyes are locked on me and I can tell even from this distance that I caught him off guard. “What are you doing in here?” I’m a little surprised at myself for how stern my tone of voice is. “You shouldn’t be in another camper’s tent without them being present.”

“I, uh, just needed to cool off.” I try to figure out what he means before spotting his blue sweatshirt strewn out on one of the cots in my peripheral view. Now that I noticed its absence I am quick to notice Max’s exposed arms, as well as the frequent strips that I assume are scars covering the entirety of them. They go on forever from the looks of it, starting right at the wrist and branching upwards and under his sleeves on all sides of his appendages. I close my mouth- when did it open?- and step inside the tent. Now that I’m back to planet Earth, I ask Max what he means by that. He tells me that the girls’ tent is cooler than the boys’ tents because of the placement of it but that just doesn’t make sense. “Please don’t lie to me. If you were in here just to stay cool, then why were you going their the girl’s stuff?” At this point I can see Max is becoming impatient with me. His tone of voice is getting sharper with every retort and he keeps telling me that he only came in here to cool down. Again, pick and choose your battles. I could stand here and keep arguing with Max but that won’t get us anywhere and, besides, I’m getting hungry. I pinch the bridge of my nose and give into defeat, playing along with the boy so we can skip the drama and go get lunch. Seemingly satisfied with his victory, Max stands up and grabs his sweatshirt. He slips into it with only a slight pause, looking at me, before we both exit the tent to get food.

It feels weird walking alone with Max. Maybe it’s because I know he’s hiding something from me or maybe it’s because my stomach is trying to eat me but I feel uncomfortable. Even though he’s walking right beside me, I can’t bring myself to look at him, much less keep up a conversation. It’s not that I’m mad or sad, no. I just feel… Different. Than before. As we get closer to the dinighall, Max yawns. “Hey it’s super hot and I bet that the mess hall isn’t any better. Can we eat lunch in your office?” For a moment, a surge of happiness strikes me. However, it is short lived. If this were any other camper, my first reaction would not be to say yes. If this were any other camper, I wouldn’t feel so funny being alone with them. The joy I felt a moment ago is replaced with dread within seconds. This isn’t okay. “No Max I’m sorry.” I keep walking as Max falls back a little. “Why not?” I stop and look over my shoulder at him. I can’t tell him that I would let him in a heartbeat but that it’s weird for me to only do that for him. “It wouldn’t be fair to everyone else.” The look of confusion on Max’s face transitions into anger. His brows stitch together and he catches up with me. “I thought we were cool David. I thought you liked me.” I find myself having to trot to keep up with Max, he’s walking so quickly ahead of me. My hand reaches out to his shoulder. “I do like you Max. I like you as much as any other camper.” Suddenly, Max is turning. I don’t think fast enough to react and his tiny hands push me away. “You’re just like him.” His voice is low. “I should have figured as much. Adults don’t care about kids like me, they just want to use me.” I stare at him, shocked. I want to ask questions, I want to know what happened to him. But just as I begin talking, Max has resumed walking towards the dining hall. “Leave me alone.” 

The last thing I hear him say before he steps inside is that he doesn’t want to have our weekly meetings anymore. I stand outside the hall a few minutes before I let myself inside. What did I do?


	9. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a storm tormenting the camp. Both a physical rain storm and an emotional one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning, there are mentions of abusers, menstruation, first periods, and physical violence.

Water is filtering into my boots which each step. I rush the councilor’s cabin, not having to worry about being seen by anyone. I have to be quick, the sooner I’m in and out the better. My body moves almost on its own, I’m honestly running on auto-pilot. Twisting the doorknob and gliding into the cabin, not even bothering to so much as dry off my soaked shoes on the welcome mat. The bathroom is illuminated as I flick the light switch and waste no time in fussing through the cabinet below the sink, moving around a majority of our first aid and health supplies, before getting my hands on the cushiony package I came here for.

*****

Today was a disappointment from the start. The entire camp woke up to a heavy rainstorm. Most campers awoke from the overall sound of the patter of the raindrops hitting their tents, other campers were not so lucky and their tents had flooded a little. After Gwen and I got up, we hastily rounded up the campers and shepherd them into the dining hall. We knew that we had no other choice but to hold camp activities inside today.

While Gwen set out some of the bins full of arts-and-crafts materials and I pulled out some board games, we put the Quarter Master to work on making breakfast. The campers were tense and agitated from their rude awakenings and thus voiced their opinions on how terrible the situation is. Their sour attitudes seemed to dissipate a bit when they fill their bellies with almost-expired food and the activities set up for them help keep them busy for a while. The campers were soon to lose interest and many started acting out (Nurf decided to “help” Dolph with his watercolor painting by smearing his face into the paper). “We have to do something about these animals.” Gwen groaned. I gave it some thought before I came up with a brilliant idea. Who knows what the campers want to do better than the campers! 

My feet take me to the very front of the dining hall and I cleared my throat. “Okay campers, me and Gwen can see you’re getting pretty bored with the activities we had laid out for you. Does anyone have any suggestions for a fun indoors activity?” Many voices piped in, “Let’s start a DnD campaign!”, “I want to do a performance and saw you in half!”, “We should all get to know each other better by letting me punch you all in your sorry faces!”. Many, er, great suggestions, but none that we could work with. Then from the back I heard the muffled voice of our little astronaut. “A movie!” I grin ear to ear and clap my hands together. “A movie!” I parroted. “That’s a great idea!” With the idea set in stone, even their groans of dissatisfaction couldn’t deter me.

After a few minutes of rummaging around the back room Gwen was able to find an old, musty box of VHS tapes and the television cart. Since the campers couldn’t agree on a film I chose one of my personal favorites. I loved watching “Honey, I Shrunk The Kids” when I was their age. Since my family was never that close I always liked immersing myself in this movie as well as others like it. As the movie began and the lights were turned off I was glad to see that the campers, most reluctant, settled in and turned their attentions to the film. After having popped some microwave popcorn I passed out disposable bowls of it to the kids who wanted some while Gwen was on her phone. I had to admit, I was a little disappointed that nearly all of the campers had never seen the classic family-friendly comedy. Some hadn’t even heard of it! 

With the children’s hunger satisfied (for now) my focus turned to my own bowl of popcorn and the film. It had been almost thirty minutes into the movie when I felt the presence of someone walking behind me. My mind immediately went to Gwen but I was also not surprised to get a glimpse of Max snaking out the front doors. My first instinct is to look at Neil and Nikki to see if maybe they had any clue as to why he left. Nikki hadn’t seemed to notice that the boy on the other side of Neil had vanished. Neil had made eye contact with me and, seemingly just as confused as I was, shrugged. I won't lie; my first thought was that Max had left so he wouldn’t have to watch the movie. Since I believed that that was the reason behind the boy having left, I asked Gwen if she could tail after and bring him back. Ever since yesterday afternoon when Max blew up at me, I haven’t felt very comfortable being alone around him. Of course I care for Max and I want to be someone he can trust, how can I be that for him when I have such mixed feelings about him, a 10 year old camper? Unfortunately Gwen had told me she couldn’t go after Max, she was not feeling well. She made no effort to hide the fact that she was lying- she was more interested in her cell phone than pretending to be in discomfort- but there was no time to argue with her. Arguing would be senseless and by the time it was settled Max could be anywhere on the campgrounds. A simple apology to Gwen and a sigh under my breath, I force my reluctance away and go after Max.

There is an upside and a downside to the downpour. The positive is that it makes the ground soupy and muddy so footprints are easily stamped onto the ground. The negative is that the rain wastes no time in washing tracks away. It’s because of this that I practically ran in the direction of the small footprints. Having followed the footprints away from the mess hall, I track until about one quarter away from the camper’s tents when I see that there are two sets of tracks now. One that leads to the tents and another that leads away from there towards the bathrooms. I could have gone to the tent first but there was enough evidence in the mud that told me Max wasn’t there. With my boots beginning to muddy I hurry towards the bathrooms. I’m not sure why I hadn’t considered the fact that the boy might be sick until I saw the tracks in the mud. It’s a normal thing for people to get a stomach bug once in a while. I should have kicked myself for having assumed Max had left to cause trouble. 

The building for the bathrooms isn't awful but it’s not in fantastic condition either. Everything was built from oak (aside from the pipes and such) to match the aesthetic of the rest of the camp but since it was built so long ago the wood is well worn and splintered in some areas. With Mr. Campbell’s funds the entire building could be redone and fixed up to perfection but the camp doesn’t have that option anymore now that he’s in prison, not that Mr. Campbell would use his money for that if he wasn’t there anyways. The muddy shoe prints almost blend in with the color of the floor. I slowed my stride as I step inside. I want to make sure Max is okay, I don’t want to embarrass him. The sound that the water faucet made as the water traveled through the pipes covered my approach. 

I turned the corner to step fully into the room. Max was standing at the sinks with his back towards me. He was just washing his hands, that’s what I had figured for a split second, before realizing something, maybe something most people wouldn’t have picked up on. He was wearing black jeans which were certainly not the blue jeans he had been wearing only minutes ago. Oh gosh, maybe he had had an accident. I frowned at the thought. It would be unfortunate but the way Max is moving his arms made me realize that he was scrubbing something which only made me even more sure of my conclusion. My lips moved without thought. His name came out nearly a whisper but it had been loud enough. The boy stiffened and turned quickly towards me. Wide eyes mirror mine as I take in the full sight. Teeny grey boxer-briefs are assaulted by a powerful stream of hot water in the sink. In the middle of the soaped up briefs was a dark patch of crimson that tinted the water. For a split second I believed it might have been the doing of hemorrhoids; hemorrhoids are common and are known to bleed when irritated. But having lived with my older sister for years and working at a summer camp for hormonal children immediately tipped me off that this was not because of that. No wonder he ran off without telling anyone. We stare at each other for a few seconds, neither of us dared to move. “Get out!” His voice broke through the silence as the crack of thunder. The boy’s normally tan skin had begun paling right before my eyes. I could feel my adam’s apple bob as I swallowed nothing, not knowing what to do or say. Children like Max survive from using their fight or flight instincts. Like a cornered animal who no longer had the option of “flight”, Max was going to fight. “GET OUT!” His screaming had rattled his body, tremors ran through the boy’s frame. Planted to my spot, Max took this as a sign that I was not going anywhere and decided that if I wouldn’t leave willingly, he would make me wish I did.

He descended upon me much too quickly for me to defend myself. Tiny fists flew straight toward my face. A few solid punches landed, one got me pretty good in the eye, before I managed to push myself from the wall and get my hands on him. Tiny wrists fit neatly in my hands as I pushed us into the middle of the room. “Let me go! Go away!” When he realized his hands couldn’t pull from my grasp, Max began kicking his feet. His legs swung wildly, his numby nails dug into forearms. A powerful kick to my shin and I almost let go. “Fuck you David!” A deep inhale, the constant sound of the running faucet. I build up my power and push forward even further. Max is backed into the counter with a grunt. Good, caught him off guard. My shoulder moved to his chest and shoulder to press him harder and before he can react I use my knees to pin his legs together. “Bastard!” His hands were on me once more. I gasped in pain when he raked his nails into my neck and arm. If I kept pushing into him like that I would probably hurt him. I didn’t know what to do so I resolved to crouching, wrapping my arms around the tiny boy’s shoulders, and pulling him into me.

Chest-to-chest, I could feel Max’s shaking. Our labored breathing in sync for a beat onced Max realized that I had caught him, that he had no escape. He shimmied his shoulders in an attempt to pry away but I would not have it. He still screamed even as I reached up and put a hand on the back of his head. “Max, you need to calm down. As long as you keep attacking me I won’t let you go.” We stood together like that for a few minutes. Our wet clothes clung to each other as if wanting to mix and stay connected. Breathing evens out and Max’s small hands uncurl from fists. I never look a gift-horse in the mouth so I take this as a sign to loosen my hold on the camper a little while still keeping my hands on him. I extend my hand behind Max and turn the knob to the faucet. Only when the rush of water stops do I hear the boy sobbing into my shoulder. I guess being drenched from the rain makes it tricky to feel tears burning into you. 

My hand rhythmically stroking the mane of wild curls, my hollow gaze stuck on the grey material that was discarded on the ground. The sobs continue for some time but eventually grow softer. There are so many things I want to say, so many things I want to do for Max, but this does not feel like the time for any of those things. I need to put my feelings aside and focus on making this situation at least a little better than it currently is. My limbs untangle themselves from around the camper who reluctantly pulls himself from my warmth. I look at his face but he avoids mine. It’s okay, I don’t blame him for his lack of eye contact at the moment. “Please, stay here. I will be right back.” My voice comes out softer than I wanted it to, almost as if I were confronting a traumatized faun, but that’s entirely okay. He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t respond as I ascend into the storm once again.

*****

It’s raining so hard now that my shoes are thoroughly drenched. The squish of water between my toes doesn’t slow me down as I make my way back to the bathrooms. When I step inside and see that Max isn’t where I had left him, I begin to worry. The worst case scenario is that Max ran off to hide from me. When I check the bathroom stalls I am relieved to see familiar red and white sneakers. I knock gently, Max startles a little. “It’s me.” The package tears open with ease and I slide a plastic wrapped liner under the door. “This goes in your underwear.” There’s some crinkling behind the door followed by the plastic covering compacted into a ball rolling out from underneath the stall and in my direction. After I throw the remnants away, I wait outside the stall. Leaning against the wall across from the stalls, I mention to Max that he can talk to me anytime to get more products when he needs them. He’s silent for a moment. “You won’t tell anyone about this.” The statement sounds less commanding when spoken in such a warbly voice. “Of course I won’t tell anyone. I don’t even plan on telling Gwen. I wouldn’t speak a word of this to anyone without you wanting me to.” Rain trickles from the ceiling and lands on my shoulder as I speak. What would I get out of telling everyone about Max’s situation? Does he think I’d get a sick thrill from it? That I want to embarrass him? If only he knew how far I’d go to protect him. Bile hits the back of my throat. There I go once again, thinking weird things about Max. It’s kind of a blessing that he wants to stop talking to me in private; it’s safer for him to stay away from me. I would never consider myself dangerous with any camper but there’s something about Max that makes me feel things, romantic things. It’s not safe for him. And whoever the man he was referring to the other day is I certainly don’t want Max to see me like him. 

“I can wash your jeans in the councilor’s cabin tonight. I’ll bring them back to your tent in the morning and that can be the end of this ordeal. Then we can go on like it never happened.” My hands fiddle together, my gaze focused on nothing in particular. I nearly jump out of my boots when the door across from me opens. It doesn’t even fling open, it’s almost cautious. “But it DID happen.” The black haired camper eyes me from behind the door, eyes red from crying. “It happened and now you know. And you,” He steps out fully now. His hands go to his sides and bunch together in fists once more. “You weren’t mad about it.” Steps come towards me, slow and careful. “Why would I be mad?” I watch his come towards me and stop short about a foot away. “I… I was wrong. You’re nothing like him.” The camper throws himself on me but not to attack. He nestles into my abdomen and clamps his arms around me. “You know about me and you cared enough to bring me a fucking pad. You didn’t tell me I’m weird or gross and you still want to help me.” My eyes begin to prick with tears. I focus on the child before me. For a split second I want to hug him back, to tell him I’ll always care about him. But the creeping thought that I don’t know what else I might do to him holds me back. Instead I settle on patting the top of his head. I force a smile. “Max, I would never stop looking out for my campers. Especially not when they need something so badly.” I look towards the door and I tense a little. What if someone walks in right at this moment? This would look bad, weird. “Okay Max listen to me. If you want me to wash your pants you can drop them off at my cabin tonight around dinner. I’ll be in my room waiting. For now we should get out of here, the movies probably almost over and we’ve both been gone for a very long time.” Max calms himself down and agrees, peeling himself from me. He wipes the remainder of his tears away with the back of his sleeve, laughing at a thought. “What would they think we were doing? David, I didn’t know you were so perverted.” While I am incredibly embarrassed and a little guilty at this statement, I can’t help but feel relieved. Max trusts me again, enough to poke fun at me like he’s done many times before. But at the same time our relationship feels different, the dynamics have changed but I’m not sure in what way. As we walk out the door, package of pads under one arm and the other brushing against Max’s, we walk side by side until I part to return the package back to the cabin. The rain doesn’t feel as cold as it had earlier.


	10. Fresh Laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of the Confide in Me series. Max and David have a lot to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic description past abuse of a child. You have been warned.  
> Also, I apologize for the super long wait for this last chapter. I have been totally out of ideas on how to end this but I toughed through it and I hope it's at least a little enjoyable.  
> Ps, I know that Gwen and David's cabin is only one room but for the sake of the fic I changed that minor detail.

Despite the noisy sounds of the washing machine sounding from down the hall, it doesn’t do much to alleviate the thick silence between us. Max was his normal self for the most part during dinner but it’s almost as if he shut off. I think that the reality of what had happened finally got to him and he hasn’t spoke to me since the incident in the bathroom. I can’t imagine how embarrassing of a situation that was for him but I try to empathize with him on some level. Eyes look from the floorboards to my camper who is perched on the edge of my desk table. Sitting in the lounge would have been the ideal place to wait for laundry but I know Gwen would think it was suspicious that I was privately meeting with a camper in the councilor’s cabin. When Max’s side-eyed gaze meets mine, the words come out before I can think. “Once when I was a camper, I accidentally wet myself. I had had a nightmare and I wet my entire bunk. I had to tell one of the counselors about it.” My face feels ten degrees hotter as the weight of what I said really hits me. There’s no way that can be compared to what happened with Max! “I, um, was really embarrassed then too.”

 

“That isn’t as bad as having a camp counselor finding a camper had got his period and was trying to wash the blood out of his jeans in the damn sink. But hey, thanks for sharing the blackmail material I guess.” The deadpan tone in Max’s voice would have made me feel even worse than I already did if it weren’t for the smile that he presented while talking. Okay, so he doesn’t entirely loathe me for my stupid foot-in-mouth comment. My shoulders instantly ease up as the awkward air in the room escapes us. I try to think of anything to say when Max speaks up. “When Nikki had her first period, she kept saying how much blood there was and kept complaining about cramps. I don’t know about cramps but I seriously underestimated her about the blood thing. It was like a fucking tsunami.” His nose scrunches up in disgust and I can’t help but laugh. “Max I have never heard someone compare their period to a natural disaster before.” Our combined laughter dies down a bit. The rumbling of the washing machine has ended abruptly. I get to my legs and head towards the door, telling Max that I’d be right back.

 

With the camper’s clothes in the dryer, I make my way back to the room to find Max has moved from his spot on my desk to being sprawled out on my bed. I wasn’t expecting that he would make himself so at home but I’m more than content with it. Seating myself at the end of the bed, my eyes take it upon themselves to get a good look at Max. When he came to the cabin, I strongly suggested that he wash his sweatshirt along with his dirtied pants and boxers. It was soaked from the rain and it took surprisingly little encouragement to get him to wash it. Seeing him in his Camp Campbell camp tee-shirt was pleasant to see. It made my mind wander, thinking about how well it fit him, how it must smell. Nope, that’s enough. I quiet the thoughts and scan over his arms. The last time I saw his exposed arms was in Nikki’s tent and it wasn’t the most well-lit place. Now, under the lighting of cabin, I can see each individual scar on Max’s arms. One has significantly more damage than the other, probably because he’s right handed. The camper notices my staring and looks at me, confused, and asks what I was looking at. I startle a second before explaining that I didn’t get to see him without his sweatshirt too often. “Of course not, I don’t want everyone seeing “these”.” Sitting up on the bed, he turns his attention to his arm. I am surprised enough that Max is talking about his scars so casually, and am even more surprised when he rolls up the sleeve of his shirt; the scars on his arms go to the very top of his shoulder. The sight makes me feels guilty and sad for the camper, and I hate that I also feel a little flustered. His shoulders are so small and I want to kiss all of his scars away. Gaze turns, I hum in acknowledgment.

 

Max rolls the sleeve back down but I keep my eyes set on a random spot across the room. Hands reach up and scrub my face. Why am I such a creep? I want to get up and sit anywhere but next to Max. His small hands place themselves on either side of himself and he crosses his legs. “Sorry. That was awkward of me.” “Oh no, it’s okay.” Reassuring him, I force myself to smile at him. His brows furrowed as he looks back at me. He lightly sucks on his lower lip, I can tell he wants to tell me something and of course I won’t stop him. “I haven’t been honest with you. During one of our meetings, I told you that I had no friends when I moved here because everyone was scared of me. That was bullshit. I made a few friends.” He took a breath in and he was struggling to keep eye contact with me. Soon, eyes lowered to look at his lap. “There was this guy named Zach, we met when he was picking his sister up from my school. He was older than me, like, a lot older, but I didn’t care. I thought I was hot shit for being friends with a high school sophomore.” My heart drops as the boy next to me begins to shake a little, voice growing softer and more warbly as he goes on. “I was friends with his sister Anastasia but I liked hanging out with him more; we would do stupid shit together like stealing booze from my parent’s and drinking together. He would always tell me I was the coolest kid he ever met and that he liked hanging out with me over his other friends in high school. I should have known that he just fucking with me. Well, one day when we were drinking down by the waterfront, just me and him, he told me that he really liked me and wanted to do things with me. We were both into the idea until I told him that I didn’t have a dick, I figured out that that changed things for him when he beat the shit out of me and told me never to talk to him again.” The laughter that Max expelled wasn’t one of humor but more of heavy dread. “So I guess wanting to fuck an 8 year old kid is fine but not if he had a cunt instead of the expected parts.” Voice growing louder now, the tears start coming to Max’s eyes. I remain frozen, unsure how to react. “It’s so fucked; I know he was a pedo and that he was grooming me but I still miss the attention. I want someone to look at me like he did and make me feel like I’m more than a mistake. And the worse thing, the absolute worst fucking part is, I found someone who makes me feel that great, like I exist for a bigger purpose other than to take up space, and it’s fucked up because it’s not a kid my age or a friend, it’s you.” Tears turn into body shaking sobs. Eyes the size of saucers, staring at the crying child in front of me. Max looks up from his lap and, wiping his eyes, turns to look at me. “You make me feel so good about myself and you make me want to be a better person than I am. I think about you all the time and it fucking kills me that you don’t see me as anything but another camper.” His breathing begins to quicken and soon Max is having a full-blown panic attack. Even though every part of my being is telling me, screaming at me not to touch him, I reach out and pull the boy into my arms without thinking about the consequences. Arms hold him tight, instructing him to breathe deeply into me. Minutes go by as the boy remains in my hold and focuses on his breathing. Hands idly rub the back of his head and back while my head dips down to rest atop of his head. The pain in my chest proves to be too strong than I thought and soon tears find their way to my eyes. “Max…” His name slips past my lips and saying it feels so wrongfully _right_.

 

As his breathing evens out ever so gradually, I find my own sobbing begins. My mind is filled with so many feelings of guilt, anger, disgust, and absolute joy that they manifest themselves in the form of searing hot tears and gross crying. “I am so so sorry that he did that to you. I am so sorry that you were used like that and I’m sorry that you have been keeping this to yourself for so long.” Thick black hair finds its way between my fingers and I unintentionally pet the back of Max’s head as I weep. “I’m sorry that you like me but I’m the most sorry for feeling the same way. I think about you every day and I hate myself for wanting to hold you and kiss you and for wanting to do even worse things with you. I should have left the camp as soon as I noticed these feelings, I shouldn’t feel this way about you, oh Max I am so sorry.” “David.” Hands smaller than my own reach up and grab the collar of my shirt. Letting go of the boy, I aim to pull away when Max is suddenly pulling me down and we’re kissing. My mind takes a second to register what is happening and that yes, we are kissing and Max initiated it. My mind is swimming and soon I’m being pushed back on my bed and he’s climbing on top of me and the kiss is getting deeper. I don’t want this, this isn’t okay. I pull back from the kiss, breath shallow, and tell him to stop. He keeps going and kisses my cheek and down the length of my neck and oh God does it feel nice but this cannot be happening. My hands move and I push him off of me. “We can’t do this, stop!” Before I know it, I’m crying again. “This isn’t okay, this isn’t legal. You’re my camper and you’re 10 years old and I’m an adult. Max, we _can’t_.” Before I can say anything else, Max shouts at me. “Who cares about age! I really like you David and you told me yourself that you like me too. I know it’s not legal but I don’t care. Why can’t we be together?”

 

We sit like this for a moment, Max on top of me and with my hands on his shoulders, before I can find the right words. “Just because we like eachother doesn’t make it okay. If anyone found out about it they could very easily fire me. Or worse…” My adam apple bobs as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Just because we both want this doesn’t mean that others will think it’s okay.” After a moment, Max sits up. I thought he was going to get off of me but instead he slides down and lays down with his head on my chest. My eyes look down at him but he won’t meet my gaze. I hope he understands what I meant. “No one needs to know about this. Can’t we do this stuff in secret?” “Max, it really isn’t that simple. I feel guilty enough as it is, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” His eyes meet mine in a glare. “You don’t have anything to feel sorry about. I want you, you’re not doing anything wrong. We should be able to be together.” My hands find themselves on Max’s back in spite of myself. Thumbs gently rub circles on his lower back. I chew my lip before saying something that I might ultimately regret. “Hypothetically, if we _were_ to try being together, I wouldn’t want to do anything more than kissing for a very long time. Even though I do think things sometimes it wouldn’t be right if we did them. I wouldn’t be comfortable.” This certainly got Max’s attention. He sat up on his elbows immediately, eyes wide and a smile finding his lips. “I’d be okay with that. Does this mean we can try dating?” Embarrassment gets the best of me and I cover my eyes with my hand, as if blocking Max’s adorable expression would do anything. “What have I gotten myself into?” Max snorts out a chuckle and slides off of me. I sit up and see him stretching out on the bed next to me. “More than you bargained for, I’m sure.” The silence through the cabin tips me off that the clothes must be done. As I get them I instruct Max to stay in the room incase Gwen comes back. As I was leaving, he made a comment about me being a good boyfriend for getting his clothes. Even though it was a silly comment and he most likely said it to embarrass me, I can’t help but smile to myself. I hope this works out.

Despite the noisy sounds of the washing machine sounding from down the hall, it doesn’t do much to alleviate the thick silence between us. Max was his normal self for the most part during dinner but it’s almost as if he shut off. I think that the reality of what had happened finally got to him and he hasn’t spoke to me since the incident in the bathroom. I can’t imagine how embarrassing of a situation that was for him but I try to empathize with him on some level. Eyes look from the floorboards to my camper who is perched on the edge of my desk table. Sitting in the lounge would have been the ideal place to wait for laundry but I know Gwen would think it was suspicious that I was privately meeting with a camper in the councilor’s cabin. When Max’s side-eyed gaze meets mine, the words come out before I can think. “Once when I was a camper, I accidentally wet myself. I had had a nightmare and I wet my entire bunk. I had to tell one of the counselors about it.” My face feels ten degrees hotter as the weight of what I said really hits me. There’s no way that can be compared to what happened with Max! “I, um, was really embarrassed then too.”

 

“That isn’t as bad as having a camp counselor finding a camper had got his period and was trying to wash the blood out of his jeans in the damn sink. But hey, thanks for sharing the blackmail material I guess.” The deadpan tone in Max’s voice would have made me feel even worse than I already did if it weren’t for the smile that he presented while talking. Okay, so he doesn’t entirely loathe me for my stupid foot-in-mouth comment. My shoulders instantly ease up as the awkward air in the room escapes us. I try to think of anything to say when Max speaks up. “When Nikki had her first period, she kept saying how much blood there was and kept complaining about cramps. I don’t know about cramps but I seriously underestimated her about the blood thing. It was like a fucking tsunami.” His nose scrunches up in disgust and I can’t help but laugh. “Max I have never heard someone compare their period to a natural disaster before.” Our combined laughter dies down a bit. The rumbling of the washing machine has ended abruptly. I get to my legs and head towards the door, telling Max that I’d be right back.

 

With the camper’s clothes in the dryer, I make my way back to the room to find Max has moved from his spot on my desk to being sprawled out on my bed. I wasn’t expecting that he would make himself so at home but I’m more than content with it. Seating myself at the end of the bed, my eyes take it upon themselves to get a good look at Max. When he came to the cabin, I strongly suggested that he wash his sweatshirt along with his dirtied pants and boxers. It was soaked from the rain and it took surprisingly little encouragement to get him to wash it. Seeing him in his Camp Campbell camp tee-shirt was pleasant to see. It made my mind wander, thinking about how well it fit him, how it must smell. Nope, that’s enough. I quiet the thoughts and scan over his arms. The last time I saw his exposed arms was in Nikki’s tent and it wasn’t the most well-lit place. Now, under the lighting of cabin, I can see each individual scar on Max’s arms. One has significantly more damage than the other, probably because he’s right handed. The camper notices my staring and looks at me, confused, and asks what I was looking at. I startle a second before explaining that I didn’t get to see him without his sweatshirt too often. “Of course not, I don’t want everyone seeing “these”.” Sitting up on the bed, he turns his attention to his arm. I am surprised enough that Max is talking about his scars so casually, and am even more surprised when he rolls up the sleeve of his shirt; the scars on his arms go to the very top of his shoulder. The sight makes me feels guilty and sad for the camper, and I hate that I also feel a little flustered. His shoulders are so small and I want to kiss all of his scars away. Gaze turns, I hum in acknowledgment.

 

Max rolls the sleeve back down but I keep my eyes set on a random spot across the room. Hands reach up and scrub my face. Why am I such a creep? I want to get up and sit anywhere but next to Max. His small hands place themselves on either side of himself and he crosses his legs. “Sorry. That was awkward of me.” “Oh no, it’s okay.” Reassuring him, I force myself to smile at him. His brows furrowed as he looks back at me. He lightly sucks on his lower lip, I can tell he wants to tell me something and of course I won’t stop him. “I haven’t been honest with you. During one of our meetings, I told you that I had no friends when I moved here because everyone was scared of me. That was bullshit. I made a few friends.” He took a breath in and he was struggling to keep eye contact with me. Soon, eyes lowered to look at his lap. “There was this guy named Zach, we met when he was picking his sister up from my school. He was older than me, like, a lot older, but I didn’t care. I thought I was hot shit for being friends with a high school sophomore.” My heart drops as the boy next to me begins to shake a little, voice growing softer and more warbly as he goes on. “I was friends with his sister Anastasia but I liked hanging out with him more; we would do stupid shit together like stealing booze from my parent’s and drinking together. He would always tell me I was the coolest kid he ever met and that he liked hanging out with me over his other friends in high school. I should have known that he just fucking with me. Well, one day when we were drinking down by the waterfront, just me and him, he told me that he really liked me and wanted to do things with me. We were both into the idea until I told him that I didn’t have a dick, I figured out that that changed things for him when he beat the shit out of me and told me never to talk to him again.” The laughter that Max expelled wasn’t one of humor but more of heavy dread. “So I guess wanting to fuck an 8 year old kid is fine but not if he had a cunt instead of the expected parts.” Voice growing louder now, the tears start coming to Max’s eyes. I remain frozen, unsure how to react. “It’s so fucked; I know he was a pedo and that he was grooming me but I still miss the attention. I want someone to look at me like he did and make me feel like I’m more than a mistake. And the worse thing, the absolute worst fucking part is, I found someone who makes me feel that great, like I exist for a bigger purpose other than to take up space, and it’s fucked up because it’s not a kid my age or a friend, it’s you.” Tears turn into body shaking sobs. Eyes the size of saucers, staring at the crying child in front of me. Max looks up from his lap and, wiping his eyes, turns to look at me. “You make me feel so good about myself and you make me want to be a better person than I am. I think about you all the time and it fucking kills me that you don’t see me as anything but another camper.” His breathing begins to quicken and soon Max is having a full-blown panic attack. Even though every part of my being is telling me, screaming at me not to touch him, I reach out and pull the boy into my arms without thinking about the consequences. Arms hold him tight, instructing him to breathe deeply into me. Minutes go by as the boy remains in my hold and focuses on his breathing. Hands idly rub the back of his head and back while my head dips down to rest atop of his head. The pain in my chest proves to be too strong than I thought and soon tears find their way to my eyes. “Max…” His name slips past my lips and saying it feels so wrongfully _right_.

 

As his breathing evens out ever so gradually, I find my own sobbing begins. My mind is filled with so many feelings of guilt, anger, disgust, and absolute joy that they manifest themselves in the form of searing hot tears and gross crying. “I am so so sorry that he did that to you. I am so sorry that you were used like that and I’m sorry that you have been keeping this to yourself for so long.” Thick black hair finds its way between my fingers and I unintentionally pet the back of Max’s head as I weep. “I’m sorry that you like me but I’m the most sorry for feeling the same way. I think about you every day and I hate myself for wanting to hold you and kiss you and for wanting to do even worse things with you. I should have left the camp as soon as I noticed these feelings, I shouldn’t feel this way about you, oh Max I am so sorry.” “David.” Hands smaller than my own reach up and grab the collar of my shirt. Letting go of the boy, I aim to pull away when Max is suddenly pulling me down and we’re kissing. My mind takes a second to register what is happening and that yes, we are kissing and Max initiated it. My mind is swimming and soon I’m being pushed back on my bed and he’s climbing on top of me and the kiss is getting deeper. I don’t want this, this isn’t okay. I pull back from the kiss, breath shallow, and tell him to stop. He keeps going and kisses my cheek and down the length of my neck and oh God does it feel nice but this cannot be happening. My hands move and I push him off of me. “We can’t do this, stop!” Before I know it, I’m crying again. “This isn’t okay, this isn’t legal. You’re my camper and you’re 10 years old and I’m an adult. Max, we _can’t_.” Before I can say anything else, Max shouts at me. “Who cares about age! I really like you David and you told me yourself that you like me too. I know it’s not legal but I don’t care. Why can’t we be together?”

 

We sit like this for a moment, Max on top of me and with my hands on his shoulders, before I can find the right words. “Just because we like eachother doesn’t make it okay. If anyone found out about it they could very easily fire me. Or worse…” My adam apple bobs as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Just because we both want this doesn’t mean that others will think it’s okay.” After a moment, Max sits up. I thought he was going to get off of me but instead he slides down and lays down with his head on my chest. My eyes look down at him but he won’t meet my gaze. I hope he understands what I meant. “No one needs to know about this. Can’t we do this stuff in secret?” “Max, it really isn’t that simple. I feel guilty enough as it is, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” His eyes meet mine in a glare. “You don’t have anything to feel sorry about. I want you, you’re not doing anything wrong. We should be able to be together.” My hands find themselves on Max’s back in spite of myself. Thumbs gently rub circles on his lower back. I chew my lip before saying something that I might ultimately regret. “Hypothetically, if we _were_ to try being together, I wouldn’t want to do anything more than kissing for a very long time. Even though I do think things sometimes it wouldn’t be right if we did them. I wouldn’t be comfortable.” This certainly got Max’s attention. He sat up on his elbows immediately, eyes wide and a smile finding his lips. “I’d be okay with that. Does this mean we can try dating?” Embarrassment gets the best of me and I cover my eyes with my hand, as if blocking Max’s adorable expression would do anything. “What have I gotten myself into?” Max snorts out a chuckle and slides off of me. I sit up and see him stretching out on the bed next to me. “More than you bargained for, I’m sure.” The silence through the cabin tips me off that the clothes must be done. As I get them I instruct Max to stay in the room incase Gwen comes back. As I was leaving, he made a comment about me being a good boyfriend for getting his clothes. Even though it was a silly comment and he most likely said it to embarrass me, I can’t help but smile to myself. I hope this works out.


End file.
